July 2008
1 post
June 2008
5 posts
My Left Hand Talks To My Balls
Left Hand: Here we go again.
Right Ball: Wait, what is he doing up there? Oh no…come on, he already did this like 2 hours ago.
Left Hand: Oh, he’s going back at it, and of course, I just sit over here, watching the whole thing go down.
Left Ball: Shit, don’t complain, every time he jerks it it looks like the god damn apocalypse from our view.
RB: Yeah, honestly. One...
Be A Hero
Have you ever wanted to be a hero? Well, if you’re like me and your dreams of being a 28 foot tall autustic savant with eyes that shoot lasers hasn’t come true, you can become a hero by going to the best website around: http://www.bogusmovies.org
Seriously funny stuff about seriously bogus movies, so go there - NOW!
Highway to the Dangerzone
Top Gun is easily one of the greatest films ever made, no question. But perhaps my favorite aspect of this movie is how badly the top two teams get along. It is total hatred between Iceman/Slider vs. Maverick/Goose. Yet, amidst this fire, the commander still sends them out on dangerous missions. Well, luckily, I was able to retrieve a transcript from the chatter during one of their missions, and...
What Your Favorite 90's Toys and Fads Say About...
Everyone had their favorite toys or fads growing up, it just so happens that if you grew up in the 90’s, you really had the best. I decided to take a look at some of the more popular of these, and what they say about your life today. Enjoy.
Furby: You are somewhere in L.A. giving tub jobs and blow jobs under a freeway overpass.
Goosebumps: You only bought these for the covers, and you...
Cowabunga!
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Truly the greatest enterprise to hit America since Ford or the musical institution that is Kenny Loggins. The Ninja Turtles were able to turn a simple, average cartoon into one of the greatest fads ever marketed to the youth…and I bought it. I was absolutely crazed over Ninja Turtles, especially the toys. These toys were unreal. No, not unreal, fucking EPIC....
May 2008
8 posts
Steele Trap
Hey folks. So the other day I was looking at IMDB, and it came to me, what is Lex Steele’s resume like? If you don’t know who Lex Steele is, you are a faggot. He is the only male pornstar that other dudes are allowed to appreciate, because, well, he is the man of steel. And as his website puts it, he is simply: ‘11 Inches of Pure Punishment’. Anyway, I stumbled on his...
if you can't blog with the big dogs, blog...
My god. My fucking god. The other day I was blessed enough to be reminded of one of the trashiest, and most amazing fads of all time - Big Dog clothing. You remember this, don’t lie. Hell, maybe you even had one. I am talking about those god damn dirty shirts with the dog saying or doing something completely demeaning. I mean, we took this shit time and time again from this dog, and I am...
3 tags
kids are pussies these days
So this is random, but I don’t care, it’s my fucking blog. Today I was talking with a friend of mine about how kids these days are simply gay. I can not remember a single kid growing up who was allergic to peanuts, or the sun, or grass, or bread, or bee stings. Shit, I loved getting stung by bee’s - aside from getting a tattoo of a lion on your chest, it is the next manliest...
4 tags
Re-Rack!
Beer Pong. A classic game that unites people from all across the country. Through my countless hours of research, I have been able to examine many of the different types of people that enjoy this fine game, and what it is that makes them so very special. Here goes. BEIRUT! “Hey bro! It fucking isn’t beer pong! Only pussies call it beer pong. Where I’m from we call it BEIRUT!...
3 tags
Men in Tights
When I think of my childhood, it is hard to skip over one of the most constant things for me - wrestling. Logically, my next step was to explore it now that I am older, and see what I think today. Fuck, wrestling was AWESOME. Sure, it sucks now, but who cares? I want to take a look at some of the best of the best from back in the day, and examine what it was that made them so rad. I am going to...
5 tags
The Art of Metal: Part One
Folks…face it, Metal Album Covers are the greatest form of artwork that we as a society have today. If you do not know what I am talking about, you soon will. I am talking about that sincere, and orgasmic art form displayed on covers of your favorite metal band’s CD. I am going to be looking at some of the top-notch covers and analyzing just why they are so amazing. So sit back, grab a...